Today I Will Celebrate

Words can not describe the sense of pride I feel for my people and my country. On August 4, 2008, while tearfully watching Obama give his first speech as our new President; I became overwhelmed with emotion. Even though I’ve always told my son that with hard work and determination he could be anything he wanted, even President; I never really believed it. But, August 4^th changed everything! Not only is Obama the change that our country needs; he also symbolizes the change that our people [African-Americans] have needed for a very long time. He’s the change that Martin Luther King spoke of in his “I Have a Dream” speech on that historical day, August 28, 1963. He’s the change that Nat Turner, Sojurner Truth, Rosa Parks and so many other civil rights activists fought for. He’s the change that Sam Cooke sang about in his infamous song, “I Know a Change is Gonna Come.” BARACK OBAMA IS CHANGE! More importantly, he did not let those who fought and died for this moment, die in vain. His presidency has given African-Americans hope for tomorrow along with a renewed sense of pride in our people and our country. Personally, it has also sparked a change in me. Because of Obama, I feel that I am officially apart of this country and my vote does matter. And, for the first time, I can say, with pride, that I am proud to be an American, an African-American.

And so, today and the days to come is a celebration, and I plan to celebrate this monumental moment! I will celebrate for all of those who never thought they’d live to see this day, and for those who unfortunately didn’t. I will celebrate for Medgar Evers, a civil rights leader, killed by a sniper’s bullet. I will celebrate for Thurgood Marshall, who fought and successfully overturned segregation. I will celebrate for my mother, who lived in Mississippi during the era when she had to enter through the “colored only” door and drink out of the “colored only” fountain. I will celebrate for all the men and women who marched in Selma so that my vote would count. I will celebrate because now I know that no matter how my people were beaten, verbally, physically and mentally; with faith in God and ourselves, we can overcome. Finally, I will celebrate because now I can look at my son and say, with confidence; “with God, hard work and determination, you can be anything you want to be, including President of the United States of America.”

]]> http://thecharlymag.wordpress.com/2008/11/07/congratulations-to-the-new-first-family/feed/ 2 blendingin the-new-first-family http://thecharlymag.wordpress.com/2008/08/28/happily-ever-or-never-after-by-kela-price/ http://thecharlymag.wordpress.com/2008/08/28/happily-ever-or-never-after-by-kela-price/#comments Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:06:18 +0000 blendingin http://thecharlymag.wordpress.com/?p=77 ]]> Charly Magazine’s focus is on empowering women to live their best and balanced life! Managing the relationships in our lives is an essential part of achieving that balance. Managing those relationships, however, requires an honest self-assessment. In a quest to find out why 47% of black women (age 30 and over) are still single, Charly hopes to encourage (through this article) women to take that honest look at themselves to figure out why.

Happily Ever or Never After

At very young ages little girls dream of falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after. We plan our weddings before we have our first boyfriend. We know what kind of car he’ll drive; how he’ll look; and what kind of job he’ll have. Rarely do we focus on how he’ll actually treat us; what kind of father he’ll be; or what kind of marriage we’ll have. Could this be the reason that nearly 47% of black women are still single? Could it be the reason that we have so many women, age 35 and over, that are still single?

If you talk to many females who fit into this category (35 and over, but still single), they will swear it’s because they choose not to have a mate at this time in their lives. They are those independent, self-sufficient feminists that don’t need a man for anything in their lives – yeah right! Despite wearing this independent woman label strong and proud, most will reluctantly admit that a bit of panic sets in when they find themselves at age 30, but still single and with no prospects!  I would venture to say that these women aren’t holding out because of their fabulous careers, but they are holding on to the idea of a man that they created when they were little girls. It doesn’t help that society convinces us not to settle.

As we start to evolve from little girls to young women, our expectations sort of change. Not only does Mr. Right have to have a great career, washboard abs, perfect teeth and personal style; but he must also be romantic, so sexy that we want to rip his clothes off every time we see him; and he must work so that we don’t have to, but still spend every waking moment with us, too. It is the women who hold on to these unrealistic expectations that find themselves still single at 30 and 40 years old. The truth of the matter is that a marriage or a relationship headed in that direction, is not based on passion. It is more of a partnership that revolves around running a household together. Trust me when I say that how your man looks when you walk into a room together will not take precedence over paying the bills and raising the children. After all, there are plenty of marriages that have passion, but no long-term stability – sadly enough, those marriages often end in divorce.

Recently, I got the opportunity to interview several women regarding their dating and marital experiences. I was curious to find out why the single women were still single, and how the married women chose their mate. I was equally curious and excited to try and uncover their description of their ideal mates and how that description changed at certain points in their lives.

After speaking with my more seasoned (age 35 and over) married or divorced women, I learned what I already know to be true; and that is that it is important to find a mate respects you, someone you can laugh with and one who appreciates you. You must be rather strategic when choosing your mate and accept that you have to compromise when it comes to those unrealistic expectations that you initially created. Simply put, you are never going to find the perfect guy! He simply doesn’t exist. If you are truly looking for a soul mate, then you should let your soul do the searching.  You might be surprised, yet happy with whom you actually end up with.

Most of the single, never been married ladies, on the other hand, offered a different perspective on the topic. They will swear that it is possible to have it all and they shouldn’t have to settle. My question to them was: “So, how long do you wait?” Most of them vehemently said that they will wait until they find Mr. Right because marriage is too important. They don’t want to spend their lives with someone that they aren’t attracted to because it is important to have passion in a relationship in order for it to last…Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

These poor women don’t have a clue! What they seem to forget is that the longer they wait, the less enticing they become.  You just don’t have the same appeal at age 30, 35 and 40 than you did in your 20’s. Don’t let the Demi Moores and Ashton Kutchers fool you – that’s just TV! As your appeal changes so must your expectations. Once again, a marriage is not based on passion. Can and does passion exist? Sometimes, but it is not the foundation of a solid marriage.

Stayed tuned for part two of my article; I sat down with a few women to find out what their thoughts are regarding dating and marriage. I wanted to know why some of them were still single; how their ideals regarding their “perfect man” changed from childhood to woman hood; and why some chose the mates that they have today. Count on Charly to bring that powerful, insightful and refreshing content, every time!

It isn’t that I don’t know any better. In fact, I have spent the last 5 years of my life preaching health & wellness messages to my expanded network and even strangers. So sadly, I know better but am not doing any better.   I have let myself get into a rut – let myself go and hope to miraculously not have to take medicine for a medical condition that I should not have at this point in my life. 

I, like nearly 1 in 4 American adults, am battling with hypertension aka High blood pressure. According to Yahoo! Health, blood pressure is a measure of how hard the blood pushes against the walls of your arteries as it moves through your body. It’s normal for blood pressure to go up and down throughout the day, but if it stays up, you have high blood pressure. When blood pressure is high, it starts to damage the blood vessels, heart, and kidneys. This can lead to heart attack, stroke, and other problems. High blood pressure is called a “silent killer,” because it doesn’t usually cause symptoms while it is causing this damage.

Your blood pressure consists of two numbers: systolic and diastolic. Someone with a systolic pressure of 120 and a diastolic pressure of 80 has a blood pressure of 120/80, or “120 over 80.”

o      The systolic number shows how hard the blood pushes when the heart is pumping.

o      The diastolic number shows how hard the blood pushes between heartbeats, when the heart is relaxed and filling with blood.

Adults should have a blood pressure of less than 120/80. High blood pressure is 140/90 or higher. Many people fall into the category in between, called prehypertension.

While it is something that too many people deal with, it is something that I should not be a victim of at age 30.  So I am asking myself – how did I let my health go?  Let’s see: eating too much crap, not working out as consistently as I should, STRESSING out – need I go on?  What’s worse is that I thought I had a unique situation. There couldn’t possibly be that many people under 40 with my same problem.  WRONG!!! I don’t have scientific facts but I know at LEAST 8 other people that have/had problems with high blood pressure before the age of 40.  One of them is my uncle, who after years of neglecting the hypertension, now has kidney failure and is subject to dialysis 3 times per week at age 45! 

So what? 

Well, I want other young brothas and sistas (people in general) to commit to taking care of themselves.  I am not saying you have to be a health nut, but you do need to make sure you do the basics to prevent this disease and all the others that are preventable and are not supposed to be issues we have “with age”. 

1. Educate yourself – research this and other diseases that are preventable so you are proactive.  I have never (and can’t say that I ever will) found satisfaction with taking doctor’s orders. 
2. Do something – ANYTHING that will help you live a healthier lifestyle
   1. Take the stairs instead of the elevator,
   2. Walk for 30 minutes at least 3 – 5 times per week,
   3. Bake not fry,
   4. Limit salt intake
   5. Home-made not fast food, and
   6. Yoga or mediation instead of worry and emotional explosion.

For the record, this is NOT a substitution for seeking medical treatment, but serves as suggestions and reminders for what we should be doing in our daily routines. 

As I stated in my Second Wives article, men are often caught in the middle for three reasons; let’s go over them in detail below.

1. Guilt

Remember that he loves his child and a good father will usually struggle with what he thinks he should be doing to make him/her happy and you happy simultaneously.  For the record fellas, I completely understand your plight.  However, you must understand that you need to do two things when it comes to making your child happy and healthy. I call it the two “R’s.”   You must always be realistic and remain a parent.  The worst thing you can do is overcompensate due to the divorce.  If you didn’t give into your child’s every whim when you were married to his/her mother, don’t start now.  Remember, children of divorced parents are seasoned veterans at dividing and conquering. It is imperative that you demand the same positive behavior as before the divorce.  Offering limited control over the child out of guilt of hurting them already can have detrimental effects on their behavior.

To break it down even further, let me give you a couple of examples.  It is a Christmas tradition for you, your child, and your ex-wife to spend Christmas Eve exchanging gifts.  Or, you ex-wife and child are out having dinner and your ex-wife calls to ask you to join them, supposedly at the child’s request.  Your response to both or any other similar request that involves you spending time together as a family, should be NO because you are no longer a family.  Yes you will always be his father and mother, but you are no longer a famil,y and continuing family traditions is giving that child a false sense of hope.  Furthermore, it makes it more difficult for him/her to accept someone new once you both remarry.  The moment you divorce you must teach the child that while mom and dad love you just the same as we did before, you are going to have two separate families now.  Reassure the child that you will both be there for him/her, but just not in the way you were before.  Create new family traditions to reinforce this new way of thinking. Don’t continue with the old ones.  If you do, when you do remarry, and the current wife has a problem with you continuing these traditions with your ex-wife (this is inevitable), then you have to change and when you do, you’ve just taught the child that things changed when she came along.  This is why children feel as if it is the evil stepmother that changes everything in their lives.

Having said that, try to keep certain things the same so not turn the child’s world completely around.  If it’s possible to keep the child in the same school and home as well as continue any extra curricular activities, it’s in the best interest of the child to do so.  Both parents should also encourage relationships with the child’s extended family on either side, but not participate in, nor facilitate these relationships, unless they are your parents.

1. You don’t have to keep the ex-wife happy

 Most men are naïve and think it is their responsibility to keep the ex-wife happy in order to keep their child happy and therefore, remain in the child’s life.  This is the second reason men feel as if they are caught in the middle. I have three words for you gentlemen, “forsaken all others.”  Do you remember those words?  This is what you vowed to do once you married your second wife.  That vow includes ex-wives and even children.  Your only obligation is to remain an active parent in your child’s life.  You are no longer obligated to your ex-wife, no matter how she tries to convince you otherwise.  A man who pays attention to his second wife is not treating his first wife and mother of his child like crap.  He is divorced from his first wife, and as long as he fulfils the obligations of the divorce decree, he is not morally obligated to come to his ex-wife’s rescue whenever she calls.  His only obligation is to treat his former spouse with civility.

You cannot parent your child effectively if both of the child’s homes are in turmoil.  Furthermore, you cannot be the one to make sure that both homes are in order.  At this point, your ex-wife is responsible for her own happiness, and if she’s too distressed or bitter to raise the child, then you need to legally request that she send him over to you. What you don’t need to do is keep her happy to remain in the child’s life.  If she is making it difficult for you to remain in the child’s life because of her own issues, consult a family law attorney or mediator immediately to resolve the issue.

There should never be a battle between your current and your ex-wife because you current wife is always number one.  Traditional therapists and/or psychologists will probably chop my head off for saying this, but it’s true. And, if their theory worked (always reassure the child that they are number one in your life), then we wouldn’t have as many problems with ex-wives, ex-lives and “evil stepmothers” as we do now.  If you take care of your marriage first, then you will be better parents. If you are better parents, then you have a happy healthy child, no matter where your parents live. The truth of the matter is the child will not always be number one in your life, and if you are teaching your child this, you are doing more harm than good.  Once you remarry and/or have other children, that number one status has to be shared with the other special people in your life. Teaching your child any differently is conveying three things:

1. The world revolves around him/her no matter what.

2. Anyone who gets in the way will ruin it for them.

3. Change is bad.

This will make the child more reluctant to accept anyone else.  As I stated earlier, reassure the child that you will always be dad; you will always be there for him/her; and that he/she will always be special to you.  However, you must both prepare and encourage him/her (even if you aren’t remarried yet) to make room for someone else.  This will convey to the child that although things have changed, change is good as long as you are willing to embrace it.

1. I don’t know what’s going on

 The final reason most men are caught in the middle is because they will claim they haven’t a clue as to what is going on.  For the record, I don’t buy this excuse at all.  Get backbones men and take control of your family.  Your vows with your second wife should be no different than the vows with your first.  If you knew what to do then, then you should know what to do now.  All your second wife wants is for you to respect your marriage.  Below are some tips to help keep your marriage and your child healthy and happy.

1. Any decision involving your family should be made with your current wife.  If that decision will affect your child, then you should inform your ex-wife, but not the other way around.
2. Don’t base all of your decisions around the child if he isn’t primarily in your home.  For example, if you have children with your second wife or your second wife has children, don’t go to a movie or enjoy other activities with them only during visitation with your child.  This sends the message that life only goes on when you’re together, and that’s the wrong message.
3. Always, always, always communicate honestly with your child.  Never tell the child what he/she wants to hear.  Tell your child the truth so that there are no surprises in the end.
4. Treat your second wife like a wife.  Just because you married her second doesn’t mean she should have to come second to your ex-wife and your baggage.
5. Always be sensitive to your current wife’s feelings.
6. Always be sensitive to your child’s feelings, and open to communicate about them whenever necessary.
7. Don’t alienate your current wife from issues with your child.  It takes a whole village to raise a child.  Make your current wife a part of that village.
8. Demand the same positive behavior from your child just as you did prior to the divorce.
9. Remain a parent and never reverse the roles out of guilt.
10. Set boundaries when it comes to your ex-wife.  She should never be allowed to wreak havoc on your family just because she’s bitter and unhappy.

So gentlemen, it is unfortunate that you are the “man in the middle” but please know that you put yourself there.  There should be no middle, just you on one end and your current wife on the other.  Your second marriage should be no different than your first.  You took vows before God to honor, love, respect and protect your marriage. As long as you do that everything else will more easily follow.

Let’s face it, in today’s day and age, there are more baby’s mamas and baby’s daddies than there are just plain old moms and dads.  As a matter of fact, in the 21^st Century, the blended family has become the most common family, the “normal” family.  Many children live with a biological and a step-parent.  Although, this family is increasingly common, many are still struggling to make it work.  The question is why?  If you ask most family counselors and psychologist, they will tell you it’s because the stepfamily will not and cannot function as a natural family; establish clear job descriptions; go slow; it takes time, blah, blah, blah. 

For the past 7 years I have been an ex (I have a child with someone who is currently remarried) and a current wife (I am married to someone who has a child with someone else) and my experience totally challenges the traditional advice that you may have heard regarding the blended family.  While there may be some truth to this traditional way of thinking, there is a deeper force that ultimately contributes to the success or the breakdown of the blended family…the wives.  Their pride, egos and territorial mentality create an unhealthy environment for the entire blended family.  If we can get the wives to behave like parents and adults (usually the men will follow suit), then we’re more than half way there.

First of all, let’s remember that when two people have been together for a number of years and share a child, there is an automatic history and with this history comes feelings.  These feelings may be both positive and negative or just plain confusion.  Even though he or she may know that it’s over (in some cases, has been over for a while), it may still hurt to initially see that person with someone else.  This hurt can stem from at least three things:  1). You may still have more love for than you thought for that individual. 2). Closure, sometimes the end of a relationship is not a reality until you see your ex with someone else. 3). Change, it’s easier when neither of you have significant others, but as soon as they enter the picture, things change.  As a result, many ex-wives react to their inability to sort out their own internal conflict and take it out on the current wife. For example, your fear of change may provoke you to become territorial. It’s that “I had him first and we did it this way before you came along” childlike mentality. 

The first thing the ex-wife needs to realize is something that is very logical and that is, you must deal with your feelings regarding your past in a way that doesn’t affect those around you, especially your children. Second, you must realize that the change didn’t occur when your ex-husband remarried, the change occurred when you decided to get a divorce…QUIT BLAMING THE CURRENT WIFE. Things were changing before she came along! I am so sick and tired of the current wife being used as a scapegoat for the ex-wife’s issues.  You cannot expect to operate as if you never divorced just because there are children involved and especially when he remarries, so stop diluting yourself. Change and compromise is necessary in the blended family.  It isn’t fair for you to expect the current wife to embrace your way of thinking and doing things.  Remember that she might have children as well and/or her own way of thinking.  Just because she has chosen to marry a man with children and fully accepts his children and all the mayhem that comes with it, doesn’t mean that she didn’t have a mind of her own before deciding to do so.  Therefore, ex-wives, you need to stop assuming, start trying to understand and respect where the current wife if coming from.  If she is uncomfortable with your prior routine, please know that your ex-husband’s loyalty does not lay with you because you share a child.  His only responsibility and loyalty is to his current wife and his children.  So, he has to find a solution to work for them, not you.

Be honest with yourself and stop shouting “my only concern is my kids” if you really don’t mean it.  You can’t really believe that your children benefit from creating tension and being difficult. Ask yourself this question; how are my actions affecting my children? If they are negatively affecting them and you continue with that behavior, you can’t possibly believe that you are acting in their best interest. Remember, they are already scared and confused enough as it is, and only a bad parent intentionally adds to that confusion.

Finally, ex-wives, it’s time to look within and stop posting blame on everyone but you.  I know that the blended family is hard for everyone involved, not just you and your children.  Instead of being part of the problem, start being part of the solution.

I will preface what I’m about to say with the following: My mother’s side of the family is from Mississippi, and I love them all dearly. They are some of the kindest, sincere, hospitable people that you’d ever meet. I had the opportunity to visit them recently and as soon as I walked in the door of my grandmother’s house, my cousin said, “Hey Lilly White!” My brother’s best friend said, “Come and give me a hug with your high yellow ass.” My other cousin said, “Come here girl with your yellow conceited behind.”  They all said that I was yellow so I must be too good for the country. Of course they were saying it in a joking manner, so I didn’t take offense to it at all. But, it does prove that many still think that light skinned is some how more favorable than dark skinned.

Many studies and scholars suggest that these negative perceptions that are based on skin tone are one aspect of “cultural wounding.”  Shawn Alfonso-Wells, a visiting assistant professor of anthropology in Carnegie Mellow University’s history department, has studied racial classification in Cuba and the United States.

“Here we are in the 21^st century and once again those relationships that were forged under enslavement are coming to light again, all that between the domestic (house slave) and the field [slave], “ Dr. Alfonso-Wells said. “If you had lighter skin, your conditions weren’t as harsh. Those who were lighter skinned had more opportunities to escape their conditions than those who had darker skin, and you can still see that today.”

The fact of the matter is that yes, this is an old age struggle that began with slavery. However, the struggle has continued among African-Americans because we refuse to let it die. Black people are harder on other black people due to their skin tone. And, I understand it’s because our identity was stolen from us, but we know that now so why do we continue to tear each other down? Dark skinned isn’t good enough and light skinned people are just trying to be good enough because we think we’re white. What that says to me is neither is good because it’s not white. As a light skinned woman, I can accept this from whites, but it’s a hard pill to swallow when it comes from your own people.

I recently learned that in commemoration of Alpha Kappa Alpha’s 100 years of sisterhood and service, the Sorority unveiled the AKA Centennial Barbie Doll that was produced and marketed in partnership with Mattel. Before I even saw the doll, I read several emails and blog posts that suggested that this doll was causing tons of confusion among African-American sistahs. Apparently, some sistahs were really upset because the doll was a direct reflection of a light skinned, long-haired woman. Some thought she’d look better with darker skin and a fro. Many thought the doll continued to perpetuate the division among women who belong to sororities. According to them, AKAs are usually lighter skinned women who think they’re better than the other sororities. There were many, however, who were saddened by the fact that the color of the doll overshadowed the fact that this doll represents the first Barbie in Mattel’s franchise to honor a sorority on a milestone celebration.

Tyra Banks recently aired a show on the topic of light skinned versus dark skinned in hopes of expanding the idea of black beauty. Although it started a dialogue, which I think is needed in order to resolve old issues that aren’t yet dead; I don’t think Tyra accomplished her goal. However, it would be impossible to accomplish such a task in one show. At any rate, one guest was asked if he preferred light skinned or dark skinned women. When he said that he preferred dark skinned women, the applause and cheers were almost deafening. However, when another guest was asked who he preferred and stated that he liked light-skinned women, everybody booed. This is very offensive to me, mainly because I am a light skinned black woman who feels that she is just as black as any other African-American. My ancestors were brought over on the ship just like any other African-American’s ancestors. I can’t help the color of my skin any more than a darker skinned sistah can help the color of hers. Why am I continually penalized by my own people???

http://www.236.com/feed/2008/04/25/the_best_of_tyra_video_6121.php (copy and paste link in your browser to view clips of the light skinned versus dark skinned episode).

The question remains – “what’s the solution?”  No matter how we got here, how do we fix it?  I don’t want my children to have to endure this struggle among their own people. How do we create unity among us? How do we get each of us to understand that black is beautiful no matter what shade it comes in? How do we get each other to really believe (not just say it, but believe it) that black people come in all different shades and we are all descendants from Africa, even the light skinned blacks? How do we get each other to understand that light skinned blacks are not trying to be white? We can’t help the skin tone that we were born with just like dark skinned people can’t help what they were born with. Furthermore, how do we get each other to understand that our mission in life now needs to be about unity and educating ourselves on our history?  We need to develop a mentality that will allow us to take pride in our culture instead of trying to attach ourselves to somebody else’s or continually degrade our own. 

Tyra Banks has this segment on her show called 20 questions. During this segment she gets to ask celebrity guests 20 questions about any and everything. On a recent show she asked Janet Jackson this question – when are you going to have children? Her response went something like this:

“Everybody keeps asking me that question. Honestly, I’m in no rush. I mean it’ll happen when it’s supposed to. I have time. I’m still young.”

“How old are you,” Tyra asked?

“41, so I’ve got time,” Janet replied.

Although Janet Jackson’s youthful look is still the envy of even some women in their 20’s, can it be limited to just that – a look? Does it mean that her body can still withstand the twists, turns and changes that pregnancy can put it through?

More and more women are deciding to have children in their 30’s, 40’s and even closer to age 50 today than ever before. Nicole Kidman, age 41, just gave birth to her daughter Sunday Rose this year and she’s in good company. Halle Berry, 41, also gave birth to daughter, Nahla Ariel, this year. Jennifer Lopez, age 38, recently gave birth to twins, Max and Emme. Marcia Cross, age 44, gave birth to twins, Savannah and Eden last year. Angela Basset became a new mother (via surrogate mother) at age 46 to twins, Bronwyn Golden and Slater Josiah. And, Salma Hayek, age 40, gave birth to daughter, Valentina, this year.

Celebrities aren’t the only ones who are giving birth later in life. According to a report on pregnancy, in 2006, the pregnancy rate in women over 40 is rising faster than any other age group. As a matter of fact, I know more than a few women that had their children for the first time after age 35 or are in their thirties, but have decided to wait before having children. Most of them based their decision to on their career, the fact that they haven’t found Mr. Right yet or them feeling like they just aren’t ready. Do they have the right idea or not??

According to Dr. Skelton, who recently explained on the National Geographic Channel’s program, Animal Aging Secrets, the baby boomers just might be doing the right thing by having children much later in life.

“Evidence suggests that the later you produce children, the longer your life span will be,” she says.

This research further indicates that after 30, there is a dramatic reduction in oestrogen hormone in women. By leaving it longer before having our first child, we’re giving ourselves a big burst of oestrogen, which helps in many ways – muscle, bone and nervous function. Additionally, scientists say that women who have their last child after age 35 could be reducing her risk of death in each subsequent year by 28 percent compared to a woman who gave birth for the last time at a younger age. It could also mean a later menopausal period and the delayed onset of diseases such as Alzheimer’s for these women.

In addition to pregnancy, the act of trying to get pregnant is also helpful in prolonging your life span. Research indicates that a healthy sex life can prove to be beneficial as well. Testoterone levels drop in men and women as they grow older. But sex produces more testoterone, which may help keep our hearts in good shape.

So, there you have it. If you want to live longer, have plenty of sex and babies after 35!

Charly wants to hear from our readers. Did you or have you decided to wait to have children later in life? If so, why or why not?

 (this is him…)

Definitely THE hottest DJ in the mid-west, DJ Limelight can rock a party like no other and to our excitement, he is also a skilled writer. Recently, he took time away from the Mac Book turntables, to answer a few probing questions.

CHARLY: Who is your favorite artist of all time?

 

Incidentally, I was in Mississippi for my grandmother’s funeral. Although it was bitter sweet, I really try to see the positive in what could seemingly be a negative situation. My grandmother was 96 years old and lived a very full life.  She maintained nearly perfect health until her very late eighties. She enjoyed working in her garden, rocking in her rocking chair and being around family. As a matter of fact, everyone that I know in Mississippi (uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends) lead a relatively low stress life. They aren’t consumed with climbing the corporate ladder, driving the fanciest car and living in the house on the hill. It’s not that they are under achievers they just don’t let those things dominate their entire lives. Simply put, their lives are seemingly more balanced than mine and most of the people that I know.

At any rate, the pastor’s sermon was centered around one question – what will you do with your time? Meaning, what will you do with the time you have left before God calls you home? The entire premise of the sermon was about getting your life in order. Are you spiritually grounded? Are you taking care of your health? Is your life well-balanced, spiritually, emotionally, and financially?

For a second time it made me do a complete assessment of my own life. Do I have my priorities in order? Does making partner at a marketing firm take precedence over making dinner for my family? Am I consumed with obtaining material things or am I appreciative of the things that God has already blessed me with? Am I focused on giving or receiving? About a year ago, I must admit that I would not have been proud of my answers to those questions. But, I had a life changing experience that forced me to seriously think about my answer to the question – what will you do with your time??

I became quite ill a little over a year ago. I passed out several times in an hour, lost a bunch of weight and even lost my memory for several weeks. The doctors could not figure out what was wrong, and I remained sick for at least a year. All of a sudden my career didn’t matter, houses or cars didn’t matter, people that I fought with over nothing didn’t matter, and my son’s unclean room didn’t even matter. All that mattered was my health, my relationship with God, spending as much time with family as I could, and righting old wrongs. I wanted to begin to live a more balanced life. I wanted to become a better person. Additionally, I wanted to begin to live with no regret. I wanted to do the things that I’ve always wanted to do, but put them off due to bad timing.

More than a year later, I am almost fully recovered, but I have not lost sight of the lesson that I learned while ill.  That experience, for me, was life changing and my life has gone through a total transformation as a result. I will NEVER lead my life in the same manner that I did before. I am completely devoted to living an empowered, well balanced life, embracing my passions and encouraging others to do the same.

What about you? What will you do with your time?

In the late 1960’s, when the Women’s Liberation Movement began, feminists claimed that society’s idea of beauty enslaved women by pressuring them to compete with other women for the attention of men, thereby fostering the basis of modern women’s oppression. However, instead of simply voicing their opinions regarding how certain women are consumed with the beauty industry, they began attacking other women. That group of women mainly consisted of size fours, gleaming white teeth, well-maintained hair and poised dispositions. Specifically, they started by attacking the Miss America Pageant contestants, claiming that it perpetuated a false idea of beauty. Their message, however, did far from raising a certain level of consciousness regarding the issue, but instead it had a damaging effect on the entire cause of sisterhood.